Police in Hull, Massachusetts, arrested an ex-con with a long criminal record after they raided his home and found he was allegedly growing marijuana there. State law allows cultivation of up to 10 ounces of pot for personal, medicinal purposes, and he claimed that’s what it was. Except that the cops seized 40 pounds of marijuana and nearly 50 pot plants. The suspect claimed it was to treat his “anxiety condition.” Hey, if you had the cops at your door and that much pot in your house, you’d be pretty anxious, too.

Two Huck's Criminal Masterminds in Salem, Massachusetts, were both too drunk to drive. But they had a plan, and it was caught on video. First, one drove the car until he drove it onto the sidewalk and hit a sign. Then they switched places, and the other drove…until he hit a parked car. They were finally pulled over by a cop. Whoever was driving at that point then accidentally backed into the police car. A police spokesman said it was the first time they’d ever seen two people get arrested for drunk driving the same car at the same time. This is why you should always have one designated driver and not two designated drinkers.

Watchdog.org reports that the government is ripping taxpayers off at the gas pumps in more ways than one. Some General Services Administration employees have been using their fleet vehicle fuel cards to fill up the tanks of their personal vehicles. Over the past five years, investigators recovered nearly $2.5 million tax dollars from that scam. But they suspect that’s only a small fraction of the abuse. Unfortunately, not everyone makes it as easy to catch them as the Arlington National Cemetery employee who filled up his personal gas tank with a fuel card assigned to his government vehicle. His…electric…government vehicle. That’s what I call “shockingly stupid.”

A burglar in Lexington, Kentucky, got into the office at a 24-hour gym around 2 a.m. He didn’t find much to steal: just one credit card, a little cash and some keys. But that didn’t stop him from using the office computer to log onto his Facebook page and brag to his friends that he was robbing the gym. The cops say they probably would’ve caught him anyway, since he was filmed by 15 security cameras. But logging onto Facebook made it even easier. Especially considering that when he left the office, he forgot to log off of his Facebook page. When workers came in the next morning, it was still on their computer screen. That also made it easier to change his Facebook status to: “Incarcerated.”

A woman in Wuhan City, China, called the police on her Huck’s Criminal Mastermind boyfriend after he allegedly tried to blackmail her with a sex video. The cops went to his house to investigate and ended up charging him with impersonating a police officer in a scheme to sell phony documents. It was an impersonation worthy of Rich Little. He had sirens on his car, and he’d converted his entire house into a fake police station, complete with phony uniforms, fake documents, GPS tracking devices, pinhole cameras, police batons, a Chinese flag, a bust of Mao and more. The easiest thing about the arrest: the cops didn’t even have to bring their own handcuffs. He had those, too.

A Huck’s Criminal Mastermind in China heard that a friend had been arrested in an illegal gambling bust. So he came up with a brilliant plan to spring him. He showed up at the jail, claiming to be a police officer from another province who was there to escort the man back to his local jail. But his scheme fell apart when the cops smelled alcohol on him and realized he was a drunken imposter. How drunk was he? The man he’d come to bust out actually hadn’t been arrested. He wasn’t in jail at all. Since he’s not, maybe he can now figure out some slightly more intelligent way to get his drunken friend out of jail.

Police in Madison, New Jersey, answered a domestic disturbance call and arrested a 19-year-old male. He had allegedly assaulted another person in the house for eating the last piece of sausage at breakfast. The suspect’s name: Thomas Bacon. Police never sausage a thing. Bacon faced the heat, but he won’t fry for this. He was released on his own recognizance, so he avoided the cooler. The moral: don’t be a pig.

A 23-year-old Montana man was wanted in connection with the theft of a wallet and check forgery, so police put up a wanted poster online. It called him one of the county’s most wanted suspects. It did help flush him out and enable his capture…after he went to the Crimestoppers’ Facebook page and proudly clicked “Like” on his own wanted poster. Well, who could blame him? That was a great photo! It used to be said that fools’ names and fools’ faces often appear in public places. Now, they just go straight to Facebook. It’s so much more convenient.